Depressed? Yes. Stressed? Yes. Frustrated? Yes. Want to pull my hair out?!?!?! YES. I've had an amazing day BUT too many things are overwhelming me at once.
1. I'm not with Lucas.
2. I don't know what I want to do with my life.
3. My current job
4. What I'm going to do this summer
5. My grades right now
1. This stresses me out everyday. EVERYDAY. It seems silly but I miss him. My heart is where he is. If this was anywhere but Berea, I wouldn't still be here. Knowing that I'm not even half way done with Berea yet.
2. I've researched. I've thought about it. I've haggled my brain, considered my strengths and weaknesses as well as what I'd enjoy and I just don't know! It's so frustrating. I know I have time but I want to know now so that I can get it done as soon as possible.
3. My position title and pay are messed up and I haven't been able to get it fixed.
4. I want to do a camp this summer, mostly for the money. I would REALLY like to do work in a hospital or something psychology related but those are much harder to find and much more competitive and I'm only a sophomore. I'm still gonna try to look but I'm not very confident about it.
5. I have low B's in Spanish and Anatomy and I don't currently know what my grade in Abnormal is. I'm working really hard... guess it's still not hard enough.
I just feel like I'm slowly dying out... losing my faith in my future and my abilities. It's just becoming too much to juggle. Maybe it's just that Spring semester hates me. I just need a break and a direction.
That's all of my rant and semi-breakdown to keep me from really breaking down.
On a positive note, I had a great time with the residents tonight. I got to spend 6 hours with some great people.
Goodnight.
